My seventeen year old son reminds me of many Darden students – he’s handsome, tall, and intelligent (like his Dad, right? Hah!). He has amazing abilities that he is still honing –good listener, musician, athlete, friend. But one of his best skills, like many Darden students: he’s a good schmoozer and makes a good first impression. He’s quick to shake your hand and chat you up. Four years ago he took a train from Charlottesville to NYC. He sat next to a woman for four hours and made such an impression that she sent me an email praising his social skills. (There are downsides to having such a social son, but that’s the subject for another day.)
So how far will this skill get him? More importantly, how’s this relevant to you?
Recently I sat through a “summer” debrief of 25 Darden Second Year students. The question to the group: so how did your internship go, how was it? The first answer and a theme for the hour: “I was surprised by how much perception mattered,” said a student who interned at a major investment bank, and echoed by a student who interned in consulting. Almost everyone in the room agreed.
These discussions continued with an affirmation of Darden’s technical preparation and a practical “lovefest” of Darden, its professors and their classmates. I felt proud of my faculty colleagues in how these students transformed from unfocused, relatively unskilled, unconfident First Years into focused, highly skilled and highly confident Second Years. I see it happen every year, but attending this class was a window into their transformation.
Yet, in the sixty minutes, a primary theme was that perception, first impressions, mattered more than (or at least as much as) technical skills.
Roger Ailes, former US president Ronald Reagan’s head of public relations, authored a book: You Are the Message: Getting What You Want by Being Who You Are (Doubleday, 1988). In his book Ailes wrote:
“Research shows that we start to make up our minds about other people within seven seconds of first meeting them. Much of this is unspoken…but we are communicating with our eyes, faces, bodies and attitudes.
“’You are the message.’ What does that mean, exactly? It means that when you communicate with someone, it’s not just the words you choose to send to the other person that make up the message. You’re also sending signals about what kind of person you are—by your eyes, your facial expression, your body movement, your vocal pitch, tone, volume, and intensity, your commitment to your message, your sense of humor, and many other factors.”
When does this become important to you as a Darden student? Well, all the time:
· When interviewing
· When you first meet a Second Year who worked at your target company
· When you first meet a faculty member or the Dean
· When you first meet a company representative at a networking event or briefing
· When you meet alumni at football tailgates.
I recommend this book for those of you seeking a clearer understanding of the concept. The ten most common problems in communications, according to Ailes:
1. “Lack of initial rapport with listeners
2. Stiffness or woodenness in use of body
3. Presentation of material is intellectually oriented; speaker forgets to involve the audience emotionally
4. Speaker seems uncomfortable because of fear of failure
5. Poor use of eye contact and facial expression
6. Lack of humor
7. Speech direction and intent unclear due to improper preparation
8. Inability to use silence for impact
9. Lack of energy, causing inappropriate pitch pattern, speech rate, and volume
10. Use of boring language and lack of interesting material.”
I have seen some of our best MBA students struggle to land the job that they want. When I mock interview them, I am interested and entertained. But then when they get in the formal setting of a “real” interview, something different must be happening. I believe the difference is the emotional connection. These students have already made the connection with me in a prior engagement. I have already “judged” the first seven seconds, or I have had repeated experiences with the person so that they have “overcome” any negative first impression, so that I “let them in” emotionally. When they meet someone for the first time, walls are being created that cannot come down in the thirty minute interview. No emotional connection is happening.
What exactly can you do in the MBA situation listed above, relative to this concept? Here are a few tips from Ailes and Dad, er, Everette:
· Stand up when the interviewer calls your name, with enthusiasm, and walk toward him/her
· Greet the interviewer by name, and give your name
· Look him/her in the eye, and smile
· Shake hands firmly (try your handshake out on a classmate, you might be surprised)
· Say something interesting, intelligent, funny, or personal. For example:
“John, nice to see you again. You look thin. Are you losing weight?”
“Boy this market is tough. Did you hear about the guy who went into Walmart to buy a toaster, and as a gift with purchase, they gave him a bank? (Okay, I stole that from Darden trustee Peter Kiernan)”
“Have you seen the market today? I hope you weren’t planning on retiring soon.”
Actually, giving examples doesn’t work so well. It takes preparation and knowledge of the situation to use those 3-4 seconds well.
· Be energetic and enthusiastic.
· Use your whole body when you talk. Be animated.
· Reveal yourself on a personal level.
· Show emotion.
· Don’t be afraid of failure or of revealing yourself.
On a side note, if you feel you made a “bad” first impression, can you recover?
It’s tough, but you can recover, especially in this MBA setting. You can certainly recover with your friends and faculty, because you have the luxury of time to develop a personal relationship. With the company reps or interviewers, you too need a personal relationship or personal connection. In order to accomplish that, you will have to invest time, a disproportionate amount of time. You will have to take risks – to put yourself out there and not let fear of rejection paralyze you. In an interview it is easier to communicate intellectually rather than try to connect emotionally. It’s difficult to try humor, when the interview room is so silent. And, as many interviewers tell me, it’s easy to be boring, especially when you’re not prepared.
So back to my seventeen year old son, Cannon. How far will his ability to make a good first impression and his ability to schmooze take him?
The same distance it will take you.
Only through the door. It paves the way, but after the person has judged you in those first seven seconds, and decided he likes you, he will expect you to perform. He’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, because he has invested his reputation – his ability to judge people – on you, but he’ll need you to perform. But you’ll never get the opportunity to perform, or visit the company for a day of interviews, or even to complete the interview, if you don’t make a breakthrough first impression.
It even may take several “screw ups” to tear down that initial first impression, but eventually that positive perception will erode and disappear if you don’t deliver positive, lasting added value.
In his epilogue, Ailes summarizes with a final piece of advice:
If you can get the audience to pull for you, you’ll always win. After all, audiences are just like you. They’re human. They care. They’re sympathetic. They’re supportive. The audience wants you to succeed. Show them that you care about them. Try your best…draw strength from others. An awareness of your own vulnerability and the vulnerability of others will make you a better and more human communicator. And only a human communicator can become a master communicator.
(Note to Cannon (the aforementioned son): keep growing and developing ‘cause your natural schmoozing ability to win someone over will only get you so far. Love ya, though, and rooting for ya.)