I frequently meet with students who are seeking feedback: feedback on career aspirations and plans, marketing materials and stories about their career transitions. I struggle sometimes with just how much feedback they desire. As many of them leave my office, I often wonder: should I have been tougher?
A student this week suggested that yes, I (as a surrogate for Darden Career Consultants in general) should be tougher. The student's rationale: he had just met with an outside consultant, Karen Solorow, President of Coaching for Success, and she had provided more direct and tougher advice that he had received from Darden’s own. I asked Karen why she was so tough. Her answer: this generation of students needs it right between the eyes; kind but direct. My interpretation: having received positive reinforcement feedback since the preschool 6th-place trophy in soccer, this generation is shocked with less than positive feedback and therefore has a bit of trouble hearing it.
You may be thinking that "tougher" is obvious. Why wouldn’t you be tougher? For those of you with children, why aren’t you tougher on them?
I think we aren’t tougher because of the risks, and I believe my biggest risk is disenfranchising students. Students come to business school with a clear set of expectation for their careers, and to hear in the first few months that their aspirations are unattainable risks alienating them. I believe it is important for students’ placement success that they stay engaged with me (or their Career Consultant), so I don't want to scare them off. So, my answer to students (or those receiving feedback): assume positive intent.
Another risk is the personal one – most of us like to be liked. We (I) fear rejection. In delivering constructive feedback I always worry that the negative feedback will be misconstrued as a judgment of the person and their character. In turn, the person will reject not my feedback, but me. My answer to this one: get over it Bubba--it's not about me, it's about helping the other person.
Challenging, constructive feedback is as difficult to deliver as it is to receive, and sometimes not so useful. Unless a person is prepared for it, feedback may fall on deaf ears. Finally when giving feedback, many of us (I) have a fear of being wrong-or in more psycho-babbly terms, have a fear of being found out as an imposter. We question our own advice because we are not quite sure we are qualified to give it. My counter to myself: bologna! I offer an opinion based on six years of career management experience and twenty years of business experience, so I should have the confidence that my experience (not advice, a subtle difference) will be valuable to the students.
Based on this one student's experience with Karen, and my own experience this week, my worry is somewhat misconstrued. I recently received unsolicited, construction (read, negative) feedback, and I (1) am not disenfranchised; (2) still like the person; and (3) found it useful, even though the deliverer was not expert on the subject.
Here’s what happened to me. I am on a very important task force at Darden with several senior academic faculty members. I enjoy being on the team, working side-by-side with talented, brilliant scholars trying to solve problems of gargantuan proportions. After over six months with the team I have recently felt a bit alienated and underappreciated. (Here’s where I could justify my behavior, but that defeats the purpose.) So rather than be constructive and open with the team about my feelings, I shut down a bit. The team leader took the opportunity to pull me aside and call me out on my behavior – not that I was being quiet, but that I was showing obvious frustration to the point of belligerence. Ouch. But he was a master of delivering. He reinforced positive behavior, re-iterated why I was chosen to be on the team in the first place, and encouraged me to lead the group, not follow. Right away I recognized my behavior and began to change immediately. My erosion of confidence in his leadership reversed – I recognized once again why he was chosen in the first place. And I truly liked and respected him for his courage to speak up.
Never too old to keep learning. I hate feedback, yet I crave it daily. Certainly this is not the only time I’ve received feedback that I found useful. As I reflect, tough feedback has been part of several significant growth times in my life.
So, I’ve gotten way too personal here. This is supposed to be about you. Here’s a head’s up: I’m going to be tougher. It’s what I get paid the big bucks for. But when I’m tougher, remember I deliver with positive intent – not to disenfranchise, but to motivate. It’s not about your person, it’s about your approach to job search. And it comes from me based on my experience, my lens, my point of view. It may be wrong, but it’s how I see it.