The Lack of Leadership and the Fear of Rejection

By Jim Clawson, October 6, 2004
Professor of Graduate Business Administration

Many executives bemoan today an apparent lack of leadership in their organizations.  They spend lots of time, energy, and resource looking for and trying to develop the next generation of leadership.  In my opinion, the lack of leadership begins with two fundamental issues.  The first is the lack of a strategic story to tell and the second is fear of rejection.  Here, I’d like to address the latter.  Let’s assume for the moment, that a person, your employee, has done his or her strategic homework, understands the industry and market and has a strategic viewpoint—a strategic story to tell.  I know, this may not be the case, but that’s for another time.  Assuming for the moment they have a story, why don’t they bring it forward?  I posit it’s because of the fear of rejection. 

The desire to be included is a fundamental drive of the human group.  It’s easy to see how willingness to compromise one’s own views for the sake of belonging might have been a competitive advantage in the hunter/gatherer ages of human history.  Today, the lingering legacy of that history is the strength of national cultures, religious groups and organizational membership.  And those memberships, those identifications, are all about the desire to be included—and its corollary, the fear of rejection.  In fact, one could easily argue that the only real source of punishment humans have had over time has been exclusion or expulsion—the only question has been for how long.  In the case of capital punishment, it’s for a long, long time. 

In businesses, the fear of rejection can paralyze the development of new leaders, of creativity, and of innovation.  When employees have learned over years and years of organizational membership that it’s not safe to express their opinions however well or ill-developed they might be, they learn the underlying message—“keep your opinions to yourself or get punished for them!” 

How does this work?  Why is it that employees don’t feel more emboldened to come forward with new ideas and fresh perspectives?  Here’s what’s happening.

Every person is born with genetic and memetic endowments.  Memes are like genes, packets of (intangible) information that get passed down from generation to generation.  Some of those genes and memes might predispose a person to be more quiet and retiring.  Depending on genes and memetic upbringing, a person will reach chronological adulthood with a certain set of beliefs and feelings about the importance of “fitting in.”  The stronger this importance, the more fear of rejection will be an issue.  Similarly, the more corporations hire people who “fit in” the more they hire people who are likely to worry about rejection. 

Self confidence and fear of rejection are opposite sides of the same coin.  Consider self esteem.  Where does it come from?  Is it “inside-out” or “outside-in?”  Clearly, it’s not an “either-or,” rather a continuum.  Suppose this continuum extends from zero to 100 percent.  A person whose self esteem is based on an 20-80 mix (inside-out and outside-in) will be constantly watching for what others think of him/her and adjusting his/her behavior accordingly.  A person whose self esteem is based on 80-20 (inside-out versus outside-in) will be more likely to be able to make decisions on his or her own rather than worrying overmuch about the opinions of others. 

What’s your mix?  That is, how much of your behavior including your self esteem is based on the opinions of others?  I’m sure it’s not either zero or 100 percent.  Where is it? 

If the culture or organization or group to which people belong strongly value conformity and “fitting in,” (as do, for example, most churches) the members of those groups are likely to be “taught” day after day to pay attention to the judgments of others.  This “group context” can shape a person’s “natural” self-esteem mix one way or the other—and very powerfully so.  If a person with a 70-30 mix comes into an organization that has evolved to “expect” of its members a 30-70 mix, the odds are that person will either leave or compromise his or her view to fit that of the organization.  It depends on how much the person values membership in that organization.  If you really think of yourself as Irish, you’ll likely do what you think the “Irish do.”  By definition, those who stay in an organization value it highly – and are likely to develop more outside-in self-esteem than inside-out. 

From an organizational leader’s point of view, ask yourself this question, “How much of a person’s behavior do I/we really want to control?”  I’m sure it’s not zero, and probably not 100 percent.  But how much?  And how would your desire match the amount of control that your people actually feel in the organization? 

If a person is largely inside-out, he or she is likely to be distanced from organizations.  That is, inside-out people don’t like organizations of any kind telling them what to do.  But this distance creates a problem—“with whom in the world, then, can I identify?  To whom do I belong?”  Most humans want to identify with, to be part of, a group.  The question for each of us is, “Which groups are most important?”  If a person wants to identify with a group, the odds are that person will do what they have to, “learn” what they have to, to be included.

This diagram depicts the basic elements I’ve introduced.  As they grow up, people add their learning to their genes and develop a balance between inside-out and outside-in self assessments.  In the diagram above, the red “fear of rejection” and the yellow “self confidence” will be of different complementary sizes.  If the balance is largely outside-in, they are likely to compromise their thinking more.  If they really want to belong to an organization, a business for example, they may “learn” to be even more outside-in than they were before.  We do this, naturally, in order to “belong,” to identify with that group.  And that history and current organizational membership shapes our learning and ultimately our willingness to lead. 

What do you think?  How many people have you met in your organization who you sense are afraid to say what they think?  Are you sure?  Have you created an environment in your leadership cone in which people feel free to express their thoughts? 

If you’re looking for more leaders in your organization, ask yourself why?  Deming once said that every organization is perfectly suited to produce the results it’s producing.  If you can’t seem to grow enough leaders inside-out, then maybe you’ve got an organization, unintentionally or otherwise, that is encouraging people to value themselves outside-in and in the process, growing their fear of rejection.  I’ll say it again, the lack of leadership is due primarily to two things:  lack of a strategic story to tell, and if you’ve got one, the fear of rejection if you tell it.  What do you think?  Send me an email at JimClawson@virginia.edu and let me know.

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